Zurich.

I'm swallowing my tasteless biscuits with difficulty, looking at my pictures restlessly.

I can't get over Zurich. It's been as if the summer holidays I couldn't get this year had been condensate in those three days. Such an amazing summer feeling, the one that I had been waiting for a year, the exact one I was looking for. The friends, the heat, and that impression we'll be forever young; and the first steps in a new city, the sweat, the laughters, the long, frustrating but exciting waiting, the summer camp in a friend's small bedroom, the late conversations in the night, the pouring rain that makes it even more spectacular, the tears of joy, the many hugs, and above all, our hearts beating so fast when our bands are about to come on stage. It's been a while since I hadn't felt that alive.

I just feel so down ever since I got back home. So down that I can't even stand Paris, at the moment. I'm just not ready to face reality again. I'm just not ready to be back to the regular, boring life that every regular person have. work, home, work again, home again, silly, alcoholic parties involving puking and sex mistakes. I'm not ready to face normal people again, the OTHER people. The ones who cannot understand just how much music means to me, the ones who cannot understand how I feel when at the very beginning of a trip, when I step out of the train/plane/car, putting my luggage on the floor, and telling myself "Wow, this is it, I'm there!". The ones who cannot understand how I can be that happy when The Vaccines or White Lies finally hit the stage, to name them only. Those moments when I feel that I am exactly where I need to be. Those moments when you're under the impression the World is finally going right, those moments when you feel like a jigsaw finally being completed by its last piece.

When I close my eyes, I'm still there. His smell, Federica asking to feel her heartbeats right before the Vaccines, Freddie's applausing us while singing on his soundcheck, the way I just couldn't say a word while waiting for them to come, Justin's headbanging on Bad Mood, Their discreet laughters while performing, their looks, Laura's hugs, Ronni's face, Brandon's smile, the stars in my eyes when I first saw The Killers, my tears on Bling, Federica's sleepy baby face on mornings, my girls' conversations in italian, Rachel's kind features, that strong warmth overwhelming me when White Lies were on stage, that torrential rain I couldn't give a fuck about, Harry's endearing extactic face, Jack's wave of hand to make me understand he would chose me...

I'll just keep closing my eyes, to print these moments forever in my mind.

I've got my mind set on you.

The good news is, I've never done for you what I'm doing for him.

'Cause dinner's in the kitchen and it's packed in ice.

The awkward moment when you waiting desperately for a message from somebody who got you really mad.
Ah, feelings.

May 26th 2012.

Mon Amour.

I just love being around the Eiffel Tower when it's about to illuminate for the first time of the night.
Rows of people, most of them from abroad, start staying still from quarter to ten or so, looking up hopefully to our Vieille Dame de fer, waiting eagerly. And when finally, at ten o'clock, the magic happens, everybody around let out an "Aaaaaaah!" of ravishment.
And it is such an amazing feeling to know that people come from far away only to see what I can see it everyday. I just can't never get tired of this. Although it became transparent to most of the other Parisians ages ago, everytime I gaze at this wonderful scenery with the same amazement.
I wish they could all remember just how gorgeous this city is, instead of complaining all the time. I wish everybody could see it through my eyes. Paris is a gem; it would be mad denying it.

Une cause perdue.

He had told me on the previous day he would give me his own setlist in Blackpool, but I wouldn't believe him. It wouldn't have been the first time Freddie Cowan forgets something he said. He promised, pretended to spit in his palm, held me out his hand. "I won't forget Laurie, I swear". I was still a bit sceptical, but nodded anyway, shaking his hand.

He kept his word. But I didn't expect it to happen that way.

I thought that if by any chance he remembered, he'd give me his setlist a couple of hours after the show, when I'd be waiting for him outside the venue.
But he didn't.

It happened right after Norgaard, the last song of the set, as ever. He put his guitar away onto the floor, and was about to leave the stage, when he suddenly remembered. He crossed my eyes, communicating without saying a word, and then he tore his setlist from the floor, and got down the stage, landing right in front of me. A wave of hysteria seized the crowd around me, and I felt instantly a dozen bodies pressing against mine, crushing my chest against the barrier. Freddie paused for a while, gazing at the many pair of arms stretching towards him, in a desperate attempt to reach him. He then rolled the setlist into a ball, to make sure nobody else could grab it, and took my hand, thrusted the precious piece of paper into my palm.

"See Laurie, I told you!"

Bridlington

That look in Sam's eyes.